I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
