i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
