WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
