God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize