my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
