I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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