You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
