does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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