That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
