I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
