I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
