Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
