it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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