Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
