I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize