Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
