ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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