She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
