At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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