mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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