Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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