the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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