Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
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