Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
