TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i will never coherently bang her
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
