Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
