I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
