The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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