She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
