I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
In other news, I just burned my penis
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize