Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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