Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
