apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
