i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
