ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
