She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize