Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
this will be a night to untag.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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