walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Boobs speak an international language.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i think my cat just said my name.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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