kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
