You're my little dorito
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
