I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
