Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
