My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize