Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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