I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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