oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize