Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
