Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
