im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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