I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
