I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
