Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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