rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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