2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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