She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I will die if light touches me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
