I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
