I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Im part way to drunk.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
