talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
