im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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