So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
