Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize