I wish my penis had an off switch
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
