My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
