You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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