Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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