Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
