I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
