I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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