so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
