even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
