new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
