i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
