I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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