Are we in a gay sports bar?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The uberlube is also flammable
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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