I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
