my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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