just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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