On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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