hotel room ftw
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
