just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
