i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
