Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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