Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
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