I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize