I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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