Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
