I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
