you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I didn't notice because vodka
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize