I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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