Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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