I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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