If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
