even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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