I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
