i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Randomize
