A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
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