No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
