I murdered the dance floor call the cops
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
