Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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