Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
