I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
