Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
