my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
