Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
