break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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