I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
