i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
