its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
