She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
